he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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