I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
