East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
