Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
