We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
