When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
