so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
