Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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