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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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