All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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