i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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