fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
