What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
