my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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