I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
