He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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