you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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