I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
