And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
