Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it's great music for shaving your balls
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
