Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
