what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
