When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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