My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I understand Curling. That high.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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