I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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