you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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