if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
