I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
