I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
