Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
