You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
