I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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