The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
