I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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