Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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