OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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