I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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