Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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