I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
