I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
