I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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