are you still at the devil's house?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
