After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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