New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
