when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
