My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
