Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
