Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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