If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
