so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
