So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
