Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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