Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
