oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
