just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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