I wish i was in the wii world.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
