I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
