recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
whose parrot is this?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize