70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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