the condom got lost in my hair
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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