tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
time to smoke my breakfast
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
