Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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