I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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