Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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