She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
