No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
