i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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