so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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