i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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