Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
