you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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