I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
