Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
