shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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