I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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