Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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