in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
